Men. Ever since I was a young girl they have been a part of my consciousness. After all, I was normal, healthy and straight. But they existed the way other creatures on this planet existed. I was not overwhelmed by them. I did not feel the need to study them, and I definitely never felt the need to constantly talk about them. I would look at articles in Cosmo which are devoted mostly to seducing a man, getting a man, understanding a man or understanding yourself so that you can understand your man and laugh with disdain. Little did I know….
Cut to circa 2005. Men. Men. Men . Men . Men. In the last six months I have devoted almost 3673 hours to the discussion of the opposite sex. What is worse is that I can’t escape my own paranoia because where ever I turn; I find others obsessing about the same thing. It’s like being in a B grade horror film where the heroine discovers the scary alien and runs towards the door only to be confronted by 200 other such aliens. OK, I am exaggerating a little here – men aren’t exactly like aliens but you get the picture – they are the unknown and if not scary most of them are pretty lame and seem to be from another planet.
In the last two weeks, I have had several conversations with several friends about “some guy.” The following is a highly abridged but entirely true transcript.
Sunday, conversation with friends over dinner at home
Friends 6, &7: “There are no decent men in DC…”
Me: “Oh, my God, I know where this conversation is going….”
Friends 6: “My expectations are not high, but pedigree is important ...”
Monday, conversation with friend over coffee Friend 3: “yeah he is sweet, but you know he has kids and lot of baggage…”
Me: “Oh, my God, I know where this conversation is going….”
Friend 3: “we have a good time, but I don’t see a future …”
Tuesday, conversation in restaurant with overpriced food
Friend 2: “How could that guy do this to me……
Me: “Oh, my God, I know where this conversation is going….”
Friends 2: “I mean who does he thinks he is….”
Wednesday conversation in cafeteria
Friend 1: “You know the trouble with men….”
Me: “Oh, my God, I know where this conversation is going….”
Friend 1: “Jason expects too much of me . I try, but he says I don’t…”
Thursday, I had a repeat conversation with Friend 2
who forwarded me an email that “some guy ‘ sent her
Friday, conversation with friend 8 in cafeteria, over IM, in the car, at home, in the train , over the phone
Friend 8: “ He is so hot, we had an amazing time but….”
Me: “Oh, my God, I know where this conversation is going….”
Friend: “Do you think he will call me …”
Saturday, conversation with Friend 9 in New York over phone
Friend: “Is it stupid to want to have a spark…?”
Me: “Oh, my God, I know where this conversation is going….”
Friend: “I mean I need to have that …”
Sunday , repeat conversation with friend 8, who is wondering if “that guy” is dissing her.
Now factor in long conversations with parents who are prone to histrionics and emotional blackmail, and factor in conversations with self where I lye in bed and wondering if I’ll find the one.
I am not sure what it is – the weather, the city or that time in life, but for the past few months it seems I have been going round and round talking about the same things. Men. Marriage. Relationships. Sex. Dating. Boyfriends. Commitment. Lack thereof. All conversations lead to Rome. It started at the beginning of the year as a tiny voice at the back of my head, I found other friends echoing it, and soon it was crescendo. In many ways, it is comforting to know that I am not alone. But seriously, sometimes I feel like I need a break!
